7 Triggers of Holiday Stress and 7 Preventive Tips

What is stress?  

According to dictionary.com stress is defined as, "A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences. A stimulus or circumstance causing such a condition. A state of extreme difficulty, pressure, or strain." 

During the holidays, we are especially vulnerable to pressure or strain—stress—for a number of reasons.  Identifying the triggers and their impact on the body's energy centers, also known as chakras, can help us avoid or minimize the various outward expressions of stress. 

In energy medicine, we know that stress shows up in the energy field long before it manifests into illness.  Using the framework of the seven major chakras as a guide, we can isolate specific triggers by identifying behaviors that block energy—the prelude to stress—and then replace those behaviors with a positive action.  When we do this, balance is restored to the entire energy system as a whole.  

Trigger #1: Family

The dread of coming to face-to-face with family members you would rather avoid—and typically do—is the number one cause of stress over the holidays, and it’s typically building weeks, or even months, ahead of time.  

When toxic energy (in the form of people’s actions, behaviors, attitudes, and judgments) disrupt our personal space, where we normally feel safe, our root chakra takes a hit.  We lose our footing and can feel a little shaky, uncertain, and unsafe.

Tip:  The number one strategy for not falling victim to the toxicity of others is to remember that what other people do, don't do, say, or don't say has nothing to do with you. Ever! People behave the way they do regardless who is in their line of fire.  It's not about you.  

Trigger #2: Money  

Finances (or lack thereof) causes more stress for almost everybody this time of year because of the added pressure and expectation to spend money you don't have.

Financial burdens have the same effect as lugging around extra weight.  Energy compresses and gets blocked in the spine—specifically the lower back—upsetting the second chakra.

Tip:  Tap into your hidden talents and make your own gifts.  Don't consider yourself crafty?  Buy a small journal or notebook and fill it with "50 Reasons Why I Love __________ (fill in the name).”  My daughter gave me such a gift when she was a teenager and I ended up reading from it at her wedding.

Trigger #3: Self-Sabotage

When we take on more than we know we should—a common habit during the holidays—we're setting ourselves up for stress, not to mention failure.   

When you neglect your needs or feel taken advantage of, energy is blocked in the third chakra—the gut. Gut issues, which manifest into an overbearing (defensive) attitude, are common during the holidays.

Tip: Say no. Schedule some time for yourself.  Sit in a coffee shop—alone—while out shopping.  If it's in the budget, schedule a massage.  Retreat to your bedroom with a cup of tea and an inspirational book.  

Trigger #4: Overgiving

The temptation to be overly generous is huge during the holidays, and sometimes we expect the same of others as well.    

Feelings of resentment creep in when we give and get nothing in return.  Whether we consciously expect something in return or not, our energy system requires the balance of reciprocity.  Equally give and receive to avoid potential heartache and other issues with the heart chakra.

Tip:  Release expectations of others while welcoming the little gifts throughout your day.   When someone opens the door, walk through it, accepting the gesture as love.  Keep an eye out for similar acts of kindness; they're all around.  Receive them as love.

Trigger #5: Gossip

Talking about others is a common activity at work parties and family dinners. 

Issues with blocked energy in the fifth, or throat, chakra often present in the mouth, throat, and thyroid.  

Tip: Don't do it!  Somebody needs to take the high road—let it be you.  Imagine the voice of your soul or spirit; emulate that voice. Compliment someone instead.

Trigger #6: Memories

The loss of a loved one from a broken relationship or death can feel devastating during the holidays.  Memories flood in when you hear a certain song, read a certain line in a book, perform a particular action or go to an annual event.  

Shutting memories off limits your ability to tune in to your higher, wiser self, your intuition—a key aspect to keeping energy balanced in the sixth chakra, or third eye, located at the point between the eyebrows.   

Tip:  Spend time alone.  Don't feel like you're supposed to be surrounded by other people.  Keep the memory of loved ones alive in your heart by tuning in to them during meditation or prayer.  Instead of pushing them aside, invite these loving souls into your scared place of stillness.

Trigger #7: Being Alone

For whatever reason separation—from children, a partner, or parents, or not having any family—leaves you feeling alone.  

Bah humbug is your mantra of choice, further isolating you from the very thing you want—community, family, love, connection to spirit.  Energy in your seventh chakra, located at the crown, is depleted leaving you with extreme fatigue, apathy, or depression.

Tip: Volunteer, attend classes, lectures, try a "meet up" group, or seek out a spiritual community.  It doesn't mean you have to take a vow or follow a particular path.  It just means you need to put yourself out there.  

***

Practicing the suggested tips above counteracts negative energy, clearing the way for greater peace and harmony during the holiday season. Remember to embrace the stillness of body, mind, and spirit.  Renew your soul.    

One last tip: One day I was making some notes about solutions and accidentally wrote “soulutions.”  I went to erase and correct it but then instantly saw the meaning in my mistake. Solutions to every single problem are found within the wisdom of our soul.  Soul-ution was a perfectly good word, and I’ve used it ever since!

Seeing ourselves and others as souls—instead of merely physical—allows soul-utions to create peace, balance, joy! 

All my love and best wishes to you.  Happy Holidays to you and yours!

-Ruthie

Count Your Blessings, Not Your Worries

In my old job I sat a desk staring at a computer screen for many hours every day. I was one of those people who taped little inspirational quotes and affirmations all around the perimeter of the monitor—easily in sight. One of those items, a small plastic frame with a positive saying, was right in the middle—front and center—on the flat edge along the top of my screen.

The simple saying read, "Count your blessings, not your worries." The words were surrounded by cute little flowers, simply drawn and in a variety of colors. But the flowers were, what looked to me like, dancing! Exploding with energy, enthusiasm ...life, as they smiled back at me. Bouncing with joy as if they were actually showing off! Shouting "I am super happy and so I dance! ...because I can."

I didn't always remember to look up when feeling bad, but when I did, it only took me a moment to count the infinite blessings in my life. I had just forgotten about them for a minute.

***

The moment you feel overwhelmed, tense, worried, alone, fearful, sad, agitated, depressed, or any other feeling that is the opposite of joy, stop ...right then and there.

Next, take a deep cleansing breath. Now, think of how special it is to have that breath. Feel your breath deep inside your chest, right at your heart center. On your next inhale and exhale, feel the energy of your breath expand into your arms, legs, belly, throat, up into your brain ....replenishing every cell in your body with light, joy, vitality ...life.

Starting from there, feeling deep gratitude for your breath ...thank your breath for giving you life, for sustaining you.

Next, count some other blessings. Think about a few things you are grateful for—it can be anything that makes you feel happy, appreciative, thankful, or privileged. And then accept these things as precious gifts.

Next, be like those flowers bouncing with joy. Feel the dance of life within you as your breath breathes your body. Feel breath—life—deep within your body. Now, give thanks ...simply because you can.

The Throat Chakra—Sticking Your Neck Out!

On a recent trip to Cortes Island, British Columbia, Canada, I was surprised when I came across a giraffe on the beach. No kidding! A giraffe. Right there on the beach! Well, okay, it wasn't a real giraffe, but a large piece of driftwood, a big log, that (at least to me) looked like a giraffe. Basking in delight, perhaps taking a snooze in a lazy afternoon sunshiny sort of way. Sprawled out there with her neck long, vulnerable, she looked perfectly content, relaxed, serene—calm.  

I happened to be writing an article on the throat chakra at the time so finding a giraffe on the beach served as a great motivator and additional inspiration. The giraffe had been showing up for several weeks before this so I had already been reading about her energy. In the book Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, he tells us that the giraffe is about communication and being farsighted. I also recently took a Non-violent Communication (NVC) class and, lo and behold, guess what!?!  NVC uses the giraffe as a metaphor for practicing empathic and compassionate communication. The giraffe is also about "sticking your neck out" to "speak your truth"—a common throat chakra mantra. And that sense of calm? Well, calmness is the key aspect of the throat chakra.   Giraffe may as well have been screaming at me to pay attention to throat chakra energy!   

In the past, before I had studied energy medicine, I would use the word uncanny or ironic to describe these little gifts (messages from who knows where!) falling into my lap just when I needed them most.  Now, when I receive these miracles (that's exactly what they are) I attend to them with respect.  I study up on the meaning of the gift. Invariably, there's layer upon layer to guide me in whatever I happen to be working on or in personal need of at the time. In this case, I was struggling to meet a deadline for an article I was writing on the throat chakra. On a personal note, I was learning (literally at a retreat on Cortes at the time I stumbled upon the giraffe log) to "hold nothing back"—another way of saying "speak your truth."  

There have been many signs from animals and nature for me; especially now that the Universe knows this is a viable and meaningful communication style for me.  It's the same for everybody! 

Pay attention to your surroundings. There are messages everywhere—everywhere! Stop, look, and listen. Just be still and take in what's around you. These gifts come when you least expect them.  Just let yourself relax into whatever you are doing ...in the here and now. Just keep in the moment. That's where the gift resides—here, now.  I think I heard that's why they call it the "present" :o)  

Each response you give to the Universe is affirming.  Saying, yes, this is working, keep talking! to whatever form of communication is coming, use it. The more you do, the more you can expect the same sorts of messages. Animals show up for me a lot because my acknowledgment signifies to the One sending the message that I "get it" and appreciate the help!

So, go ahead, stick your neck out there, hold nothing back!, speak your truth! ....then listen and be ready to receive. Help is there, waiting for you to slow down and grab it.

"Messages can come from songs, reading material, or other people. Be on the lookout." ~ James Van Praagh   

To read more about the throat energy center along with several tips on balancing the fifth chakra read my column, ChakraTalk, in the July issue of New Spirit Journal.

The Heart Chakra—What's Love Got to do With It?

The heart chakra is the fourth of the major energy centers running along the spine. The heart center plays a powerful role in our overall wellness as it connects the lower, or physically oriented chakras, with the upper, more spiritually oriented chakras. For this reason, when we have an energetic blockage in the heart center, all other chakras are also impacted making us feel completely off-center. We may find ourselves having issues related to the root chakra, for example, if in conflict with a close family member. Not only is there a disruption in the heart center, our foundation is knocked out from under us too.

A few things that can block energy in the fourth (heart) chakra:

• Holding onto past hurts, harboring resentment or anger.
• Unable or unwilling to forgive others—fully and completely.
• Unable or unwilling to forgive ourselves—fully and completely.
• Unwilling to love yourself—fully and completely.
• Loving others with "conditions" or "expectations"—the opposite of "unconditional" love.

Love is the governing energy behind the heart chakra. The problem is that when we choose to ignore the warning signs that something is off; such as feeling out of sorts with a loved one and not taking action to correct it, we are at risk of mental, physical, and spiritual issues (because love is what heals and balances every aspect of our being).

Using the issue of having a fight with a loved one as an example, below are some issues that might show up:

• Mental/Emotional: lack of compassion and understanding.
• Physical: breast cancer, lung cancer, respiratory issues, thymus gland (the master gland of the immune system).
• Spiritual: lack of devotion or trust in Life (be it God, Guru, Nature ...that "higher source" that binds us).

What to do:

For repairing damage: The number one thing we can do to correct an imbalance in the heart center is to simply express love, even a little bit, toward the person causing you to feel victimized—and surround them in pure light. We must also surround ourselves in light and expand our radiance, filling our aura with pureness, truth, love. Sounds simple.  But it's far from easy. 

For preventative maintenance: Always commit to looking out for each other. My husband and I have a pact that no matter what, we will look out for each other. We learned this the hard way— by not looking out for each other in the past—and value the power behind these simple words. We fully understand that if we simply remember to "look out for each other" love automatically fuels our relationship and makes it flourish. 

When it comes to family, looking out for each other is what builds trust, which allows us to be more open to receiving the very thing that binds us—love. Without trust—knowing "you've got my back"—we block our ability to receive. Family, above all others, is where we have the best chance of cultivating true, unconditional love.   But, it takes all parties to "look out for each other" in order to be completely vulnerable to receiving.

Love is at the heart (pun intended!) of all healing.

To read more about love's connection to the heart center along with several tips on balancing the heart chakra read my column, Chakra Talk, in the June issue of New Spirit Journal.

For one more tip on clearing and balancing emotions for the heart, see Trinity of Truth Tip: Ah-motional Breathing for Emotional Balancing 

Using Personal Power to Create the Work You Love

Oftentimes, I am asked, "How did you get from there to here?"  Meaning, how did I leave my long-standing, stable, career in the ultra-conservative field of engineering to teach yoga and meditation and the practice of energy healing?  My most recent answer to someone who wants to follow my lead?  "Well, I got sick." I replied.  "I had to get really sick." Then, I added, "I decided I didn't want to be sick anymore."

It took me several years to leave my old job—even after I got really sick.  But I eventually did.  And it wasn't easy.  It usually isn't.  If you're one of those people who feels a career change is in order, I offer a few words of advice:

·         Take your time.  Some advice I received when I was struggling with "should I stay or should I go" was to just up and leave.  Just like that—quit my job.  This never sat well with me so it's not the approach I took.  At the time I didn't know if my hesitation to "up and quit" was out of fear or my intuition speaking.  It's so hard to tell during states of emotional turmoil and illness.  Turns out, it was my inner guidance, my intuition.  I only share this as support for anyone feeling pressured to quit your job.  Don't do it on a whim.  Why?  For one thing, unless you have a plan to feed and house yourself, life is about to get a little more stressful.  Stick it out at your current job as you pave the way for your next gig. 

·         Take some action.  Use your current job to sustain your basic needs and pay for training toward your future skill.  Seek out teachers, mentors, workshops that align with what you want to do.  Ask about mentorship to those you are drawn to.  Bottom line is to just keep taking action!  One small step is a huge message to the Universe.  It says, "Yes, I am ready!"  The more little steps you take, the more opportunities will appear.  It really does happen that way.  Put yourself out there so the Universe can see you are serious!  If you take yourself serious, life will.

·         Take your new vision into your current place of work.  Instead of dreading getting up and heading to work, consider how you can improve the place and what gems you'll take with you when you leave.  Try some visualization exercises, set intentions, refuse to gossip, or complain; give every day your best effort.  Even in the most toxic environments, you get to choose how to behave.  Don't allow the toxic energy to change you.  Instead, dig deep and honor your core values.  Stick to your own morals.  Walk in and walk out with a sense of peace that you gave it your all.  Giving it your all fills you with self-respect.  Self-respect builds self-esteem.  With high self-esteem you can accomplish anything!   

Self-awareness is at the forefront of making strides toward positive change.  Take some time to reflect on areas where you might be giving your power away; where you might be falling victim.  Once you recognize areas robbing you of your Personal Power, start making small changes to reclaim your power, your self-esteem.  Once you build your self-esteem, leaving that job becomes not so much leaving a bad thing, but instead, leaving becomes a positive transition to your next opportunity.  It's always best to have the mentality of moving toward something versus running away from something.  Set the stage for something better while making your current situation the best you can.  Instead of running away from that you no longer want, focus on the pull of your future gig to propel you forward.    

And be so thankful for the lessons your current job provides.  Every challenge is an opportunity.  Every single one.  Work to mentally step away from difficult situations and take on the role of observer.  See if you can come up with a new perspective; perhaps one of understanding, compassion, tolerance.  Use current work struggles as lessons to carry forward in designing your future career.  Chances are that down the road people will come to you for help.  Think about how you would advise them in a similar situation.  Do that. 

And always remember that what other people do, don't do, say, or don't say is not about you.  Ever.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the negative energy we can't find our way out.  In the May issue of New Spirit Journal, my column,Chakra Talk, offers more on Personal Power—how you lose it and some tips on how to reclaim it. 

Best of luck on your journey!

It's Not About You: Avoiding The Victim Role

On March 22, Holistic Health Daily referenced my article on what it means to be the victim, noting things that were helpful, and a few things I could have done better.  Since my mission is to empower people by offering helpful tools I wanted to do a follow-up post in which I provide a little more of the "how" that was missing.  I agree with Dr. Vetter.  It's one thing to know what it feels like to be the victim; it's quite another to have tools for avoiding it in the first place. 

There are seven signs to help you avoid falling into the victim role.  Becoming aware of these signs—which are basically identifying situations in your life that are potential triggers—is the first step in avoiding the victim role.  The first of the seven signs was discussed in my March post, What Does It Mean To Be The Victim?, the same article as referenced above.  

The second sign:

·      You might be vulnerable to falling into the role of victim if: You used to be creative, or always wanted to be, but you now have no creative outlet. Maybe no one encouraged your natural talents as you were growing up. Maybe you used to paint or dance or write but stopped for some reason. You’ve lost the desire to express yourself creatively and you blame someone else. Maybe your spouse, children, or job are taking up all your time, leaving no room for you to write, paint, or learn to play a musical instrument. Not having a creative form of expressing yourself has limited passion in your relationship with others, namely with your partner. Perhaps you’ve even developed unhealthy relationships to fill the void. When we lose touch with our own inner knowing, our soul, our wisdom, we are easy prey.    

The sacral chakra, which is associated with inner wisdom and creativity, is impacted if any of the above signs are present.  The March issue of my New Spirit Journal column,Chakra Talk: Wisdom: Why It's the Key Aspect of the Sacral Chakra, provides more on what it feels like to lose touch with your inner wisdom and several tips on how to reconnect to it.  Staying connected to your inner wisdom is empowering and guards from falling victim. 

In addition to the tips outlined in my New Spirit Journal column, below is a self-help tool I developed to aid in getting out of the victim role.  It's basically a 3-step action plan and helps identify the problem (or trigger), what you plan to do about it, along with an affirmation to help you stick to your plan; in other words, form a new habit or way of thinking.  I call this tool the AAA Plan and invite you to write your own based on what you may have discovered by reading this post and New Spirit Journal article. 

·       Awareness: Journal up to a page about any of the signs you feel may be present for you with regard to how you are losing touch with your inner wisdom, your creativity.  Or any relationships that are draining you or preventing you from expressing yourself creatively.  Review what you've written then summarize into one sentence.

·        Action: What one action can you take to help you reconnect with your inner wisdom?  Your action will serve you best if it is creative and has meaning.  Do you want to paint, sing, dance, write? 

·        Affirmation:  Affirmations work best when you get still, as in meditation or walking in nature.  Write an affirmation to support your plan.  Memorize your affirmation.  Use all of it or part of it as a mantra.  You can write several but choose one for your final AAA Plan. One tip on writing affirmations is to include action and feeling words.  Example: "I am eagerly and happily enjoying the freedom I feel while painting (singing, writing, etc)."  The affirmation must be written in the present tense and as if it already exists.  Make it feel as if it has already happened.

Now, write one statement for each element of the (AAA) 3-step action plan: Awareness, Action, Affirmation.  Keep it short and use a small note card or sticky note.  Carry the card with you or post it in a location where you will see it often. 

The secret in avoiding the victim role is seeing the signs and addressing them right away. When we choose to ignore the signs, they get buried in our subconscious mind and gradually become routine behavior, or worse, beleifs.  Beliefs that keep you trapped in the victim role based on external circumstances. And as we all know, habits and (false) beleifs are hard to break! Becoming self-aware helps to correct a problem before it takes root.  We’re all vulnerable, so it’s good to start paying attention to the signs.  When you do, you are less likely to be impacted by what others do, don't do, say or don't say—and not fall into the role of victim in the first place!

For one last tip see the April post on my Trinity of Truth blog.

It's Not About You: What Does It Mean To Be The Victim?

We’ve all fallen victim to negative events in life—at home, work, school, or just while out running errands or shopping. And the pain we suffer from being victimized ranges from minor, like getting cut off in traffic where the consequences fade within a few hours, to more serious things, like physical abuse or abandonment, where consequences linger for many years, or in some cases, a life time. But, what does it really mean to be a victim? The word victim applies to how we define the results of being violated, cheated, or assaulted in some way. One way we become the victim is when we take something personally.

Taking something personally means to make “it” (the thing that someone else did) about you. A sign that you’re making yourself the victim is when your attitude, thoughts, or behavior changes based on someone else’s actions. When we take something personally, we are claiming the role of victim because we do feel like someone has done something “to” us. Everybody knows what it feels like to be affected by someone else’s actions; therefore, we have all taken on the role of victim at one point or another. There’s no getting around it.

The number one clue that you might be vulnerable to becoming the victim is when you realize you are on the defensive. Finding yourself on the defense is a sure sign you’ve succumbed to the actions or behavior of someone else.

What if you had some other clues to help prevent getting to the defended state in the first place? Well, guess what? You do! There are seven signs to help you identify whether you are at risk of becoming the victim. Once you get familiar with these signs, you can do things to prevent falling into the victim role, or at least not falling so hard.

In this post, I will share one of the seven signs you may be in the victim role along with some tips to pull yourself out.  In future posts I will share the other six signs! 

You Might Be a Victim if:  You often feel lonely and have no one to talk to or lean on. You have a sense of abandonment and distrust in life. No one is there to look out for you. No one “has your back.” You feel paranoid, vulnerable, and often scared to take a risk because no one is there to dust you off when you fall. You lack a sense of community, connection, belonging, safety, security. Even if you have a large number of family members, you crave family—one that understands you, supports you, and loves you no matter what.

What to do about it:  To get out of the victim role requires taking personal responsibility.  Taking personal responsibility takes on a whole new meaning if you can see your whole life, from cradle to grave, as one big lesson for your soul. Personal responsibility starts before you are ever born.  

Unless you like being the victim, which some people actually do (because of the attention they get—however negative), you can take personal responsibility for whatever situation is bothering you. Taking personal responsibility means to stop blaming others and to take action by doing something within your control. Some things may seem out of your control but you always have a choice, even if it’s as simple as shifting your attitude. Instead of having an attitude of expecting someone to behave a certain way, change to an attitude of letting them be, knowing we each have our own reasons for doing what we do and acting how we act. Have an attitude of it’s not about me and leave it at that.

Or, you might like this Trinity of Truth Tip: Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Words Can Never Hurt Me

The aspects of the above "sign" can have a big impact on the Root Chakra. Read more about the Root Chakra in my "Chakra Talk" column in the March issue of New Spirit Journal. 

 “When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.”

~ Byron Katie

It's Not About You!

I have been working on a little self-help book for a few years now.  Actaully I think I first started on this particular project in 2008.  Recently, I read all the content I have to date and lo and behold, I'd swear it's feeling like, reading like, a book! Thanks to my writing coach and developmental editor, Brooke Warner, that is.  Find more about Brooke here: http://warnercoaching.com/.  Although things have shifted a bit since I started working with Brooke almost two years ago, it is very much the same. It's the same but different, in a really good way, because she helps me with structure, order, focus, and teaches me how to write!  Although I'm a Virgo, I admit it, I still need help in this area!

As I tell more people that I am writing a book, of course,  I am getting asked what the book is about more too.  I use to have such conflict and stammered with my response.  I actually thought someone would steal my idea if I told them anything!  Another thing I've learned from Brooke is that, actually, it's the opposite.  You've got to own your stuff by putting it out there.  It's taken me a while to get confident enough in myself and my project to "put it all out there" but I am feeling a strong intuitive pull to do it so I take heed and now doing it!  So here it goes.

The title of my book is, "It's Not About You!"  The first response when I do share this is "That's a great book title! ...don't tell anybody".   And then I sink a little inside and question myself, feeling like it's a big race now.  I'd better do it or someone else will.  That could be true. But no two people will write it the same.  And if someone I know takes my idea as their own, that's not my problem either.  I do beleive in karma after all.  You'll see why I feel so strongly about that as you read on.  It has to do with not being the victim.  A little thing.  A big thing.  No matter, it is what it is.  And I'm putting it out there.

After I share the title, next, comes the question "what does "it" mean?"  Well, the "it" use to be about a lot of things, but I couldn't gain any traction, lost focus, and got scattered. Yes, this is how a series is born!   ...which I also have plans for and make notes about when I go off track.  See, there goes the focus thing again.  I digress.  Brooke helps me with this too. 

Anyway, because I had to pick just one "it" in order to actually finish the book, the "it" here is other people's stuff as in, taking it (their behavior, actions, etc) personally. It's about claiming the role of victim based on what other people do, don't do, say, don't say, and so on.  Claiming the role of victim makes you sick, on all levels. My book is about how to not let that happen–all of it—not getting sick by not getting into the victim role in the first place.  

There are lots of reasons we take things personally.  This book helps uncover what you might be taking personally, why, how and when it began and what to do about it.  What I mean is that the "it" is what's really making you sick and if you can get at the root of the cause you have something to work with.  Having something to work with helps you figure out how to live a more balanced and joyful life. 

The diagnostics test I developed helps pinpoint both the illness and the actual "it" that hurt you. No one is immune to this whole victim thing by the way, so don't feel bad if you're starting to think you are the victim.  You might be.  And that's okay.  You might be on either side of it and that's okay too.  The only reason I feel like a worthy and credible source for writing about the victim role is because I have been on every side of the role myself—both victim and violator.  And just because I think I know a thing or two about how to manage it doesn't mean I don't have the occasional fall into the deep end.  It's called being human.  The difference now is that I have enough self-awareness and lots of tools to help me recover and not hurt too many other people along the way.

The hardest part of writing my little book is keeping it little.  What I mean is to keep it simple, real, helpful, useful to the reader, and (haha) not about me!  Well, on that note, I must point out a little paradox.  The fact is that to say "It's Not About You"  is not entirely true.  The truth is "It's All About You!" because the only way to overcome the role of victim is to take personal responsibility for every area of your life.  Yep, that's a tough pill to swallow.  And there are many layers there.  That's what my book will explain and teach.  How to get out of the trenches of the victim role so you can heal your life.  It is, indeed, "all" about you.  

Stay tuned!  Future posts will share information directly related to the chakras, content from the book itself, and tools, yes ...many tools!  Isn't that what we all need!?!  

In peace and gratitude,
Ruth

Energy, Empathy, and Apathy

A family member recently asked me if I knew what empathy meant.  Inside, I was thinking, "are you kidding me!...being empathic is at the heart of my work."  But, I simply answered, "Yes, it means to feel another's feelings".  The next question came, "Well, do you know what apathy means?".  Again, I was chuckling inside, thinking, "Oh my goodness, this is crazy!  If he only knew!".  But, then I answered with "Yes, it means to be indifferent.  Sort of the opposite of empathy", I said.   What he didn't realize, and I couldn't get into at the time, was that it was apathy that helped me come to fully understand the meaning of empathy.

When I first got into energy healing, I had a reading with a well-respected and trusted "guide to the spirits"---a person who acts as liaison between the physical and the spirit world. One of the things she told me was that eighty percent of my pain was not mine.  She explained what it meant to be empathic and how I was soaking up bad energy.  She said my suffering was due to not clearing the bad energy. I wasn't clearing because I didn't know! 

The awareness of what it truly meant to be empathic changed how I spent my time and with whom.  I was like a big porous sponge soaking up the slop after a food fight!  I was absorbing other people's "stuff"---their toxic energy and negativity---because I was unaware and in a state of apathy.  I was beaten down, numb, and simply didn't care. 

I immediately understood, and could pinpoint where a particular ailment must have come from.  It was unbelievable ...but not really.  This discovery was frightening but also an awakening. Chills went through me as I thought of what must on me, in me, around me ...needing to be cleared.  Then my fear was replaced with excitement.  The prospect of taking this new knowledge and clearing up some health issues, putting some vital life-force energy back into my veins---some joy---and getting my life back in balance, sent a thrill through me.  I had answers.  I had something to work with.  All I needed now was to learn how to shield myself and clear unwanted energy.  And so I did!  Below are a few things I do to help keep the bad stuff out of my energy field.

1) The first thing I do every day is an energy sweep and, as much as I can remember, throughout the day.  It works like this: Run your hands along your body and, like sweeping with a broom, imagine sweeping any crud off your body.  Crud is tension, negative thinking, and feeling other people's "stuff", for example. After the sweep, imagine a shield of protection around your body.  Imagine a sphere of golden light.  You might htink of the light representing love.  For me, nothing is stronger than love; meaning nothing can penetrate my layer of protection.  Use whatever image makes you feel safe and protected.

2) Work to not allow any negative thoughts into your mind.  This means when tempted to gossip or judge , practice inner dialogue with your higher self. Try to be the observer.  Listen to your thoughts, words, and watch your actions, your behavior.  If you see yourself gossiping, for example, gently say, oops!  And start over with a kind and understanding point of view.  Gossip is really harmful to the fifth chakra.  For me, since I have a pre-disposition to hypothyroidism it would be suicidal for me to engage in talking badly about someone else.  Knowing the consequences is a good reminder too! 

3) Avoid people and places that pull you down.  Sure, you could put up your psychic shield, but it's a bit taxing and takes away from the freedom of just letting loose sometimes.  It's really about balance.  We can't possibly avoid negative energy but when we can, we should.  When we can't, we need to remember to engage our psychic shield.  Surround yourself with upbeat, happy, enthusiastic, positive, healthy people!

I now fully embrace my ability to feel what's going on around me without absorbing or being numb to my environment. On one hand, I actually am a bit indifferent (apathy) but not in that numbing sort of way.  Using all my senses (empathy) I experience everything without being influenced by it (at least most of the time!).  I now know that the other stuff (what people do, don't do, say, or don't say) isn't about me.  Instead of absorbing the bad stuff, I simply see it as "what is" ...a much more interesting, and sometimes entertaining, perspective.   

It's pretty easy to protect yourself once you know you need to.  You need to!  The minute you begin to "feel" a shift---in the way of negative or thick energy---bring in your golden shield.  It's not that you are closing yourself off, but instead the shield acts as a ricochet of sorts.  See yourself as a radiant being. Every pore is like a bright star shining light into the world around you.  The negative energy will bounce off and over time, convert all that surrounds you into light.  Try it for just a few days and see what happens.