It's Not About You!

I have been working on a little self-help book for a few years now.  Actaully I think I first started on this particular project in 2008.  Recently, I read all the content I have to date and lo and behold, I'd swear it's feeling like, reading like, a book! Thanks to my writing coach and developmental editor, Brooke Warner, that is.  Find more about Brooke here: http://warnercoaching.com/.  Although things have shifted a bit since I started working with Brooke almost two years ago, it is very much the same. It's the same but different, in a really good way, because she helps me with structure, order, focus, and teaches me how to write!  Although I'm a Virgo, I admit it, I still need help in this area!

As I tell more people that I am writing a book, of course,  I am getting asked what the book is about more too.  I use to have such conflict and stammered with my response.  I actually thought someone would steal my idea if I told them anything!  Another thing I've learned from Brooke is that, actually, it's the opposite.  You've got to own your stuff by putting it out there.  It's taken me a while to get confident enough in myself and my project to "put it all out there" but I am feeling a strong intuitive pull to do it so I take heed and now doing it!  So here it goes.

The title of my book is, "It's Not About You!"  The first response when I do share this is "That's a great book title! ...don't tell anybody".   And then I sink a little inside and question myself, feeling like it's a big race now.  I'd better do it or someone else will.  That could be true. But no two people will write it the same.  And if someone I know takes my idea as their own, that's not my problem either.  I do beleive in karma after all.  You'll see why I feel so strongly about that as you read on.  It has to do with not being the victim.  A little thing.  A big thing.  No matter, it is what it is.  And I'm putting it out there.

After I share the title, next, comes the question "what does "it" mean?"  Well, the "it" use to be about a lot of things, but I couldn't gain any traction, lost focus, and got scattered. Yes, this is how a series is born!   ...which I also have plans for and make notes about when I go off track.  See, there goes the focus thing again.  I digress.  Brooke helps me with this too. 

Anyway, because I had to pick just one "it" in order to actually finish the book, the "it" here is other people's stuff as in, taking it (their behavior, actions, etc) personally. It's about claiming the role of victim based on what other people do, don't do, say, don't say, and so on.  Claiming the role of victim makes you sick, on all levels. My book is about how to not let that happen–all of it—not getting sick by not getting into the victim role in the first place.  

There are lots of reasons we take things personally.  This book helps uncover what you might be taking personally, why, how and when it began and what to do about it.  What I mean is that the "it" is what's really making you sick and if you can get at the root of the cause you have something to work with.  Having something to work with helps you figure out how to live a more balanced and joyful life. 

The diagnostics test I developed helps pinpoint both the illness and the actual "it" that hurt you. No one is immune to this whole victim thing by the way, so don't feel bad if you're starting to think you are the victim.  You might be.  And that's okay.  You might be on either side of it and that's okay too.  The only reason I feel like a worthy and credible source for writing about the victim role is because I have been on every side of the role myself—both victim and violator.  And just because I think I know a thing or two about how to manage it doesn't mean I don't have the occasional fall into the deep end.  It's called being human.  The difference now is that I have enough self-awareness and lots of tools to help me recover and not hurt too many other people along the way.

The hardest part of writing my little book is keeping it little.  What I mean is to keep it simple, real, helpful, useful to the reader, and (haha) not about me!  Well, on that note, I must point out a little paradox.  The fact is that to say "It's Not About You"  is not entirely true.  The truth is "It's All About You!" because the only way to overcome the role of victim is to take personal responsibility for every area of your life.  Yep, that's a tough pill to swallow.  And there are many layers there.  That's what my book will explain and teach.  How to get out of the trenches of the victim role so you can heal your life.  It is, indeed, "all" about you.  

Stay tuned!  Future posts will share information directly related to the chakras, content from the book itself, and tools, yes ...many tools!  Isn't that what we all need!?!  

In peace and gratitude,
Ruth