Feeling frustrated, I recently said to a friend in email, "I could just cry ...but I won't!". She soon replied with some words of wisdom along with a note "And it's OK to cry sometimes". I knew she was right and immediately realized I was being too hard on myself.
I had been feeling disappointed in myself for not making more progress on an important writing project I was working on. Although I really did feel like crying, I was not willing to give in to the feeling of defeat crying would bring. But, reading my friend's words reminded me that tears are not a bad thing and do not equal defeat, but are actually very necessary sometimes. Just as the rain washes, purifies, and balances the earth and it's many elements, so, too, do our tears wash, purify, and balance our hearts.
Sitting there with a sense of gloom, I listened as the rain pounded my roof. It was the heavy and forceful rains of November; driving hard into the earth, running over the steep eaves of my house. I imagined each drop absorbing and removing thick residue in the air. I then imagined tears cleansing the sadness of my heart - being replenished with forgiveness, peace, unconditional love.
Our heart center holds negative energy when we're too hard on ourselves causing us to love (ourselves and others) with "conditions". The opposite is to love "unconditionally" - that is to say, without expectations. I will love you more "if or when" this or that is accomplished, for instance. In the case of my writing, or lack of, I was judging myself because I held a certain expectation and when I didn't meet it, I had unkind (unloving) thoughts toward myself. I even started making up excuses of 'why' I wasn't making more progress, which generally involved blaming someone else. Resentment sets in when we blame others. It is one of the most toxic feelings we can hold and the hardest to let go of. That is, until we realize that what other people do, don't do, say, or don't say, has nothing to do with us. Ever! Anytime we blame someone else for our suffering and then expect them to 'fix it' - when they don't, we resent them. But, the problem is, they can't, they shouldn't, and they never will.
If I feel, for example, that someone is robbing me of my precious writing time, it isn't their fault; it's mine. It's my responsibility to set boundaries, and hold them. It isn't their duty to determine my writing schedule. It is always my choice how I spend my time and with whom I share it.
I wanted to cry for two reasons. The first, and more frustrating, reason was because I wasn't getting my writing done. The second, and more troubling, reason was because I was harboring a bit of resentment toward others because they were 'taking' my time. Uh, umm, wait a minute! These are the people that love and support me and vice versa - no matter what! Sharing time with the people I love is the most important thing in my entire life! Problem was that I was over-committing and not doing a good job of setting boundaries. I was left with 'stolen moments' to write as I was stealing time from writing to be with my family. When with my family, I was not fully present because of my sense of disappointment as a writer. I was in a no-win situation as I was pulled in too many directions to do just one thing to the best of my ability. I was fully primed for a good ole cry.
Finally, with permission to cry, my tears lightened the weight of my heart. The knot in my chest released - replaced with a sense of forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, peace. Just as the rain lifts the heaviness from the air, tears somehow lift the load from one's heart. It can be magical once we embrace crying as a cleansing process instead of viewing it as a weakness. I once read that tears are God's way of cleansing and purifying our soul. I believe this is true if we approach the act of crying as a release, as an opportunity to let go and just be.
Have you ever noticed how bright the sun is after a good hard rain? The heavy gray clouds have gone, the air is fresher, the green is greener. That's what happens inside our heart center when we release the tension, the blockage, by giving ourselves permission to cry. The heaviness is lifted - allowing us to see and feel more clearly. We might then be reminded of how it feels to love or be loved unconditionally. This perspective helps us see ourselves and others in a different light where we are able to find forgiveness through understanding. We find acceptance, where we then feel peace.
Sometimes you might be in a funk and just need a good cry. Sometimes, you might feel violated or deeply saddened by someone else's actions. Either way, accept what is. Feel what you're feeling and see the situation with acceptance; see the other person as having complete autonomy from you. They are accountable not to you, but to themselves, same as you and me. And don't blame others. We are all interdependent, yes, but must first be independent to flourish collectively.
If you are lucky enough to live in a place where you get a little rain every now and then - or a lot (like Seattle!) - use it as a reminder that crying is as natural as the rain itself. Accept your feelings so they may surface, be cleansed and released. Cry, nurture, and love yourself. Then, sit quietly in meditation asking Spirit to renew your every cell while imagining each raindrop replenishing you with light, love, forgiveness, unconditional love.
And remember that it's OK to cry.
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