Trinity of Truth Tip: Negative Feedback is an Opportunity for Improvement

In my old job, I sometimes took on the role of internal quality auditor to help prepare the company for external (customer-driven) audits. Many of the "negative" findings from an audit were called “Opportunities for Improvement” or an OFI.  After identifying the opportunities, ideas on making improvements were discussed.  The intention was never about pointing fingers or making people feel bad, but about improving efficiency. The improvement could have been changing a process, revising a workflow or developing a new communication plan. It’s the same with self-improvement work.

Uncovering and clearing out our “negative” stuff—and we all have some—is how we make room for the new life skills discovered on our self-improvement journey. Self-improvement (or self-help) starts with self-awareness.  You could think about self-awareness work as the (always friendly and helpful!) auditor pointing out areas in need of guidance, that’s it.  Self-awareness does not mean to be self-critical; it simply means getting to know your process for life.  Understanding how you process life experiences gives you an opportunity to improve your life, by looking at your life more objectively.

Try looking at negative feedback you get from others as an exercise to become more self-aware.  Maybe there’s some truth to what’s being said, maybe not.  It doesn’t matter.  Think about how what’s being said makes you feel.  See if you can step away and look at the experience as an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Are you taking something personally?  Are you feeling defended? Can you simply observe without reacting? Can you turn a “negative” situation into an opportunity for personal growth?

The negative experience could be an invitation to “take the high road” or a lesson on how not to be so affected by the behaviors of others.  It could be that something someone said triggered an emotional reaction on your part because there’s some truth to what was said.  Either way, work to be objective, like the auditor.  Examine situations by looking for “opportunities for improvement” in all your interactions.  One helpful tip in gaining objectivity is to watch the scene, conversation, or experience like a movie—step back and away so you can see the whole picture.

If we can look at life’s hardships and difficult relationships as opportunities for growth instead of complaining, blaming, and judging ourselves and others, we find many opportunities for improvement!

 

“One of most useful projects you could undertake is to change how you feel about negative feedback.  Think of it as “improvement opportunities.”  ~ Jack Canfield

 

Supper's Ready! Let's Eat.

In the throes of life’s challenges it’s especially difficult to be “present” to the moment.  And the pain and suffering felt in the here and now is often due to some situation or experience from the past.  The problem with this (ruminating over the past) is that our future looks bleak too: “If today sucks so bad what’s tomorrow going to bring?” is the thinking. This thinking limits us from seeing a bright future and causes us to succumb to the role of victim, today, in this moment. 

Being hungry growing up I stopped looking forward to tomorrow—dreading another day without food.  Oftentimes, I’d just go to bed to sleep it (the pangs of hunger) off.  It never worked. Going dormant for a while helped a little but it wasn’t lasting. My belly still growled when I woke up.    

It’s the same when dealing with any sort of suffering—hunger or otherwise.  You’ve got to hunt for “food” or ask someone to help you find it if you want to survive, if you don’t want to be the victim and starve.

The “starving” can be caused by any issue that’s got a hold on you, anything that’s preventing you from living your best self.  You might not even know what your “best self” life looks like but to find it you’ve got to go looking for it.  Going into hibernation (because it’s a scary world out there!) might help for a little while, but you need some sustenance when you come to.  You need some "food."

That’s what my books, The Eight Aspects of God, A Pathway to Bliss, (Nov. 2012) and It’s Not About You, How to Stop Taking Things Personally by Taking Personal Responsibility (soon to be released) are about.  Helping you on your hunt!

Please join me on Tuesday, April 16^th, on The Anthony Hidalgo Show, to discuss The Eight Aspects of God, and again May 4^th and 5^th at East West Bookshop of Seattle to see if any of the tools I’ve used to feed myself can feed you. 

We’re all doing the best we can on any given day, but reaching out for support is a necessary part of finding our way through all the muck.  I believe that as we find ways to help ourselves, we are obligated to pass this knowledge forward—each doing our little part to feed the world, by feeding one another.  

Supper’s ready!  Let’s eat. 

It’s Not About the Bunny

Recently, I've seen the same “inspirational quote”—you know the ones on Facebook with those pretty images—several times in reference to Easter (because it’s just a few days away!) that reads, “It’s not about the bunny” and immediately thought, ”No, it isn’t, but why can’t we just stop already and have some simple fun?” 

Everyone knows what this Sunday (Easter) is all about—Jesus. But, what’s the big deal about going on an egg hunt?  And why try making people (who hunt eggs and eat chocolate bunnies) feel guilty by plastering comments that don’t really “say” what you really want to say?  “I believe in Jesus and you don’t; therefore, I think you’re a bad person.”  Come on.  What hypocrisy! 

Honestly, Easter is (of course!) about Jesus, but also an American tradition that's good ole simple fun.  In fact, many Christian-based churches (globally) hunt eggs after Sunday's service.  I’ve seen it many times with my own eyes.  And I’ve never heard the preacher preaching; “Now kids, it’s not about the bunny!” Seriously, can we all just lighten up a little and enjoy some community? 

Building community is important to our health and happiness and adds years to your life.  Many scientific studies have shown this to be true (you can find credible studies on the Internet).  Accepting others for who they are—as they are (believer or not)—builds compassion, connection, and unity.  On an energetic level, when we judge others it blocks energy in the third chakra, which is associated with your sense of self-worth and self-respect (you know better than to judge others so you end up judging yourself later ...or worry about the looming judgment awaiting you at the gates of Heaven) and the throat chakra takes a huge hit (because that's where the bad thought oozes out as words that hurt others).  Being in community (regardless of the reason) supports your root chakra which, in turn, nurtures your sense of belonging (which further strengthens your sense of worth (third chakra) and your sense of love at the heart chakra).  Bottom line, celebrating Easter—with everyone for every reason—is good for you!

And nowadays, with all the virtual “friendships” many of us hardly leave the house to commune in person at all.  Let’s embrace this time, not only to celebrate Jesus, but as a chance to mingle and laugh and enjoy each other’s uniqueness.  And be bold by expressing your Jesus-self—love everyone equally.  Heck, Jesus loves lepers, whores, drunks, the homeless, the rich, the impoverished, and even criminals.  Jesus loves everyone.  Jesus is about compassion, love, understanding; not judgment.  He would deny no one the chance to commune.  Quite the opposite.

Actually, if it takes an Easter bunny to bring people together, I’m pretty sure Jesus would approve.  He likes that sort of thing ….watching his children play nice in the sandbox.

Happy Easter and egg hunting to all my friends and family who believe in Jesus, who have other beliefs, or who have no beliefs at all.  Like Jesus, I love you all the same!

Breathing for Stress Reduction

 * Onsite Classes *

Breathing for Stress Reduction     _______________________________________________________________________________________

Reduce stress as you cultivate a sense of balance and peace. Using just a few simple breathing techniques experience:

·        Deep relaxation as your body releases tension

·        Improved concentration and creativity as your mind lets go of churning thoughts

·        Inner stillness as you connect with higher, calmer, states of consciousness

Breathing techniques may include:   ·        Even-count Breathing   ·        Alternate Nostril Breathing   ·        The Breath of Fire   ·        The Full Yogic Breath   ·        The Circle of Joy

WHEN: Weekdays  |  WHERE: Your Location (ex: Office, School, Medical Center, Community Center)

COST:  $225.00—groups    |    $125.00—individual    |   volume discounts available

 
To Schedule:  email: info@seattleenergymedicine.com   |  phone 206.708.3277

***

Ruthie Stender is a certified meditation teacher and registered yoga instructor with Yoga Alliance®, author of "The Eight Aspects of God, A Pathway to Bliss" and monthly columnist for New Spirit Journal. 
 

Drawing on over twenty years in the business world—and understanding that a company's success is achieved through happy and healthy employees—Ruthie's classes are designed to help reduce stress while improving morale, concentration and creativity. She teaches you how to attain an overall sense of balance using simple and easy-to-learn breathing techniques. 

***

"So long as you have breath, you have a tool—something to work with."

                                                                  ~ Ruthie Stender                                         

                

                                                                

Using The MBS Scan as A New Year's Accountability Tool

We're well into the first month of the new year and by now, if you're anything like me, the enthusiasm for those New Year resolutions have lost a little steam.  I've heard that it takes 21 days to form a new habit.  That means you can't let up on your plan—no matter what—if you want to make the new habit last.  I didn't even make through the first week!  And my powerful habit of not exercising has over-ridden my intention of creating the new habit of getting outside for a least a short walk most days of the week. 

My problem is that if I don't move my body, everything else seems to suffer—a lot!  Even if that movement is scrubbing the bathroom floor, it makes a huge difference in how I feel. I take on a pissy attitude, my brain feels fuzzy, and I get into a funk if I don't move.  In this depressing and irritating state of mind, I tend to skip meditating and not practice yoga; two things that have proven to be very good for me.  I've learned that all of me—mind, body, and spirit—benefits when I move my body.  And even though I KNOW THIS I still can't seem to stick with it sometimes.

And so I've decided to give it another try.  But this time, I thought to use the MBS Scan—an exercise I use with clients—to hold myself accountable.  I am using it to set an in intention in the morning with a focus on each element—mind, body, spirit—and then as a review at the end of the day to see how I did.   

Here's an example of one of my recent daily MBS Scans:

Morning: Set an intention and write it down.              

• Mind:  Today, I will have a "do it anyway" attitude! No matter what!
• Body:  It's sunny today so I will go for a walk (even though I don't want to).
• Spirit:  I will take some time during my walk to be still.  Maybe sit on a bench or under a tree and meditate.

Evening: review. 

• Mind: Did I stick to my "do it anyway" plan today. Where did I slip up?  Yes, I did it! 
• Body:  How did it affect the rest of my day? I was more productive when I got home from my walk.  I made a big dent in the pile of laundry, cleaned the kitchen and got in three hours of writing!  A good day.
• Spirit:  Did I take a little time to be still?  Did I feel more centered?  Yes, the fresh air was wonderful as I sat with one of my favorite trees down by the lake.

When you do this, write it down in a notebook so you can track your ups and downs.  The above example is one of my "up" days but, trust me, there's some "down" days too.  Just note them, get mad at yourself for a minute or two if you must, but then let it go.  And commit to keep moving!  Tomorrow is a new day. 

Although the daily MBS Scans are helping me, there are still those days that even a sunny day in January (in Seattle!) isn't enough to lure me out of doors.  Shocking, I know.  For now, I will just keep on tracking ...er, is that trucking!?!  

For more on the MBS Scan go to New Spirit Journal archives and search for my Chakra Talk column.  My book, The Eight Aspects of God, A Pathway to Bliss, also provides guidance and more tools, like the AAA (Awareness, Action, Affirmation) Plan. 

"I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day." - Abraham Lincoln

Happy New Year!

7 Triggers of Holiday Stress and 7 Preventive Tips

What is stress?  

According to dictionary.com stress is defined as, "A mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences. A stimulus or circumstance causing such a condition. A state of extreme difficulty, pressure, or strain." 

During the holidays, we are especially vulnerable to pressure or strain—stress—for a number of reasons.  Identifying the triggers and their impact on the body's energy centers, also known as chakras, can help us avoid or minimize the various outward expressions of stress. 

In energy medicine, we know that stress shows up in the energy field long before it manifests into illness.  Using the framework of the seven major chakras as a guide, we can isolate specific triggers by identifying behaviors that block energy—the prelude to stress—and then replace those behaviors with a positive action.  When we do this, balance is restored to the entire energy system as a whole.  

Trigger #1: Family

The dread of coming to face-to-face with family members you would rather avoid—and typically do—is the number one cause of stress over the holidays, and it’s typically building weeks, or even months, ahead of time.  

When toxic energy (in the form of people’s actions, behaviors, attitudes, and judgments) disrupt our personal space, where we normally feel safe, our root chakra takes a hit.  We lose our footing and can feel a little shaky, uncertain, and unsafe.

Tip:  The number one strategy for not falling victim to the toxicity of others is to remember that what other people do, don't do, say, or don't say has nothing to do with you. Ever! People behave the way they do regardless who is in their line of fire.  It's not about you.  

Trigger #2: Money  

Finances (or lack thereof) causes more stress for almost everybody this time of year because of the added pressure and expectation to spend money you don't have.

Financial burdens have the same effect as lugging around extra weight.  Energy compresses and gets blocked in the spine—specifically the lower back—upsetting the second chakra.

Tip:  Tap into your hidden talents and make your own gifts.  Don't consider yourself crafty?  Buy a small journal or notebook and fill it with "50 Reasons Why I Love __________ (fill in the name).”  My daughter gave me such a gift when she was a teenager and I ended up reading from it at her wedding.

Trigger #3: Self-Sabotage

When we take on more than we know we should—a common habit during the holidays—we're setting ourselves up for stress, not to mention failure.   

When you neglect your needs or feel taken advantage of, energy is blocked in the third chakra—the gut. Gut issues, which manifest into an overbearing (defensive) attitude, are common during the holidays.

Tip: Say no. Schedule some time for yourself.  Sit in a coffee shop—alone—while out shopping.  If it's in the budget, schedule a massage.  Retreat to your bedroom with a cup of tea and an inspirational book.  

Trigger #4: Overgiving

The temptation to be overly generous is huge during the holidays, and sometimes we expect the same of others as well.    

Feelings of resentment creep in when we give and get nothing in return.  Whether we consciously expect something in return or not, our energy system requires the balance of reciprocity.  Equally give and receive to avoid potential heartache and other issues with the heart chakra.

Tip:  Release expectations of others while welcoming the little gifts throughout your day.   When someone opens the door, walk through it, accepting the gesture as love.  Keep an eye out for similar acts of kindness; they're all around.  Receive them as love.

Trigger #5: Gossip

Talking about others is a common activity at work parties and family dinners. 

Issues with blocked energy in the fifth, or throat, chakra often present in the mouth, throat, and thyroid.  

Tip: Don't do it!  Somebody needs to take the high road—let it be you.  Imagine the voice of your soul or spirit; emulate that voice. Compliment someone instead.

Trigger #6: Memories

The loss of a loved one from a broken relationship or death can feel devastating during the holidays.  Memories flood in when you hear a certain song, read a certain line in a book, perform a particular action or go to an annual event.  

Shutting memories off limits your ability to tune in to your higher, wiser self, your intuition—a key aspect to keeping energy balanced in the sixth chakra, or third eye, located at the point between the eyebrows.   

Tip:  Spend time alone.  Don't feel like you're supposed to be surrounded by other people.  Keep the memory of loved ones alive in your heart by tuning in to them during meditation or prayer.  Instead of pushing them aside, invite these loving souls into your scared place of stillness.

Trigger #7: Being Alone

For whatever reason separation—from children, a partner, or parents, or not having any family—leaves you feeling alone.  

Bah humbug is your mantra of choice, further isolating you from the very thing you want—community, family, love, connection to spirit.  Energy in your seventh chakra, located at the crown, is depleted leaving you with extreme fatigue, apathy, or depression.

Tip: Volunteer, attend classes, lectures, try a "meet up" group, or seek out a spiritual community.  It doesn't mean you have to take a vow or follow a particular path.  It just means you need to put yourself out there.  

***

Practicing the suggested tips above counteracts negative energy, clearing the way for greater peace and harmony during the holiday season. Remember to embrace the stillness of body, mind, and spirit.  Renew your soul.    

One last tip: One day I was making some notes about solutions and accidentally wrote “soulutions.”  I went to erase and correct it but then instantly saw the meaning in my mistake. Solutions to every single problem are found within the wisdom of our soul.  Soul-ution was a perfectly good word, and I’ve used it ever since!

Seeing ourselves and others as souls—instead of merely physical—allows soul-utions to create peace, balance, joy! 

All my love and best wishes to you.  Happy Holidays to you and yours!

-Ruthie

Count Your Blessings, Not Your Worries

In my old job I sat a desk staring at a computer screen for many hours every day. I was one of those people who taped little inspirational quotes and affirmations all around the perimeter of the monitor—easily in sight. One of those items, a small plastic frame with a positive saying, was right in the middle—front and center—on the flat edge along the top of my screen.

The simple saying read, "Count your blessings, not your worries." The words were surrounded by cute little flowers, simply drawn and in a variety of colors. But the flowers were, what looked to me like, dancing! Exploding with energy, enthusiasm ...life, as they smiled back at me. Bouncing with joy as if they were actually showing off! Shouting "I am super happy and so I dance! ...because I can."

I didn't always remember to look up when feeling bad, but when I did, it only took me a moment to count the infinite blessings in my life. I had just forgotten about them for a minute.

***

The moment you feel overwhelmed, tense, worried, alone, fearful, sad, agitated, depressed, or any other feeling that is the opposite of joy, stop ...right then and there.

Next, take a deep cleansing breath. Now, think of how special it is to have that breath. Feel your breath deep inside your chest, right at your heart center. On your next inhale and exhale, feel the energy of your breath expand into your arms, legs, belly, throat, up into your brain ....replenishing every cell in your body with light, joy, vitality ...life.

Starting from there, feeling deep gratitude for your breath ...thank your breath for giving you life, for sustaining you.

Next, count some other blessings. Think about a few things you are grateful for—it can be anything that makes you feel happy, appreciative, thankful, or privileged. And then accept these things as precious gifts.

Next, be like those flowers bouncing with joy. Feel the dance of life within you as your breath breathes your body. Feel breath—life—deep within your body. Now, give thanks ...simply because you can.