Sunday, March 18, 2012

It's Not About You: What Does It Mean To Be The Victim?

We’ve all fallen victim to negative events in life—at home, work, school, or just while out running errands or shopping. And the pain we suffer from being victimized ranges from minor, like getting cut off in traffic where the consequences fade within a few hours, to more serious things, like physical abuse or abandonment, where consequences linger for many years, or in some cases, a life time. But, what does it really mean to be a victim? The word victim applies to how we define the results of being violated, cheated, or assaulted in some way. One way we become the victim is when we take something personally.

Taking something personally means to make “it” (the thing that someone else did) about you. A sign that you’re making yourself the victim is when your attitude, thoughts, or behavior changes based on someone else’s actions. When we take something personally, we are claiming the role of victim because we do feel like someone has done something “to” us. Everybody knows what it feels like to be affected by someone else’s actions; therefore, we have all taken on the role of victim at one point or another. There’s no getting around it.

The number one clue that you might be vulnerable to becoming the victim is when you realize you are on the defensive. Finding yourself on the defense is a sure sign you’ve succumbed to the actions or behavior of someone else.

What if you had some other clues to help prevent getting to the defended state in the first place? Well, guess what? You do! There are seven signs to help you identify whether you are at risk of becoming the victim. Once you get familiar with these signs, you can do things to prevent falling into the victim role, or at least not falling so hard.

In this post, I will share one of the seven signs you may be in the victim role along with some tips to pull yourself out.  In future posts I will share the other six signs! 

You Might Be a Victim if:  You often feel lonely and have no one to talk to or lean on. You have a sense of abandonment and distrust in life. No one is there to look out for you. No one “has your back.” You feel paranoid, vulnerable, and often scared to take a risk because no one is there to dust you off when you fall. You lack a sense of community, connection, belonging, safety, security. Even if you have a large number of family members, you crave family—one that understands you, supports you, and loves you no matter what.

What to do about it:  To get out of the victim role requires taking personal responsibility.  Taking personal responsibility takes on a whole new meaning if you can see your whole life, from cradle to grave, as one big lesson for your soul. Personal responsibility starts before you are ever born.  

Unless you like being the victim, which some people actually do (because of the attention they get—however negative), you can take personal responsibility for whatever situation is bothering you. Taking personal responsibility means to stop blaming others and to take action by doing something within your control. Some things may seem out of your control but you always have a choice, even if it’s as simple as shifting your attitude. Instead of having an attitude of expecting someone to behave a certain way, change to an attitude of letting them be, knowing we each have our own reasons for doing what we do and acting how we act. Have an attitude of it’s not about me and leave it at that.

Or, you might like this Trinity of Truth Tip: Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but Words Can Never Hurt Me

The aspects of the above "sign" can have a big impact on the Root Chakra. Read more about the Root Chakra in my "Chakra Talk" column in the March issue of New Spirit Journal. 

 “When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.”
~ Byron Katie